Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-22 01:00 pm

And I Thought "Hole Pile" Sounded Bad

Posted by Jen

When it comes to naming pastries, you could say this bakery has really hit bottom:

But then, maybe this is a tongue-in-cheek kind of thing?

{Ew.}

Butt seriously, I'm sure these doughnuts are out of this world.

In fact, I bet they're really popular on Uranus.

[rimshot!]

 

Thanks to Robert F. for showing us what happens when you assume you know how to abbreviate "assorted."

*****

P.S. Here's a giggle for my coffee-loving friends:

"My Four Moods" Dragon Tee
:D

It comes in both Men's & Women's cuts, plus a bunch more colors.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-21 01:00 pm

Homophoned In

Posted by Jen

Here's one way to tell if a cake order was made over the phone:

Followed by a three hour tour?

[For the record, that joke makes me feel reeeeally old.]

John and I just sat here saying the words "our" and "are" ad nauseam. We sounded a lot like the seagulls in Finding Nemo: "Our? Are? Hour? R? Arr?"

Still, I take comfort in knowing you're all doing the exact same thing.

Now this one made us sound like the Count from Sesame Street. Which is to say, AWESOME.
In fact, from now on, I'm always pronouncing "welcome" like "wheeel come."

Sometimes a cake makes you wonder about its back story...

...but the good news is Sam actually didn't give a flying crap.

And finally, here's a girl with a need for speed:

Yep. Rose really likes to put the petal to the medal.


Thanks to Rachel N., Sarah D., Scot N., Kelly R., F.F., & Jon A., who only caught that last line because they've had their coffee. Good work, guys.

*****

P.S. Now that we've gone over spelling, let's talk PUNCTUATION:

Punctuation Saves Lives

:D
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-20 01:00 pm

Brought To You By Seymour Butz

Posted by Jen

Remember when I used to rail against the cannibalistic indignity that is the baby butt cake?

Ah, those were some good times.

....

Let's do that again!

Hm. Given those "legs" and the hastily edited "Baby," you have to wonder what the baker thought they were making.

After all, bakers don't always have the firmest grasp on the whole "edible butt" concept.

For example, "broken legs shoved under a table" isn't quite what we're going for here:

Ow.

Parents, don't let childhood obesity get the upper butt on you:

Also watch out for TLS - teeny leg syndrome.

And while you're at it, parents, maybe wait 'til your baby is a little older before dousing their lower half with self-tanner:

I mean, c'mon, the cheeky little devil is barely half-grown!

'Course, sometimes a butt cake is more than just a butt cake.:

Sometimes it's a Toddler Torso cake.

Or, if you're lucky, sometimes it's a snaggle-toothed-monster-popping-through-a-sheet-cake-and-about-to-eat-a-rose cake:

Don't even try to tell me you don't see it.

And finally, for those of you who, like me, think the idea of ingesting a cake shaped like the poop-factory end of an infant is kind of disturbing, just remember:

...it sure beats getting a head.


Thanks to Maria S., Deidre P., Aubrey A., Anony M., Renee W., Roman S., & Debra for cracking us up today.

*****

If you don't read this in a snooty accent you're doing it wrong:

Funny "I Do Believe" Baby Body Suit
:D
It also comes in solid colors, but the stripes are the best.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-19 01:00 pm

The Wayward Pupil

Posted by Jen

I dare you to play "I Spy" with your kids on this one:

"I spy...with my one little...AAAUUGGHH!!"

Thanks to Lori P. for bringing a whole new meaning to "a wandering eye."

And also for making John laugh for like five minutes straight.

*****

P.S. Here's a better look for your feet:

5 Pk Disney's Alice in Wonderland No-Show Socks

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-18 01:00 pm

Overselling It

Posted by Jen

"Good day, Madam! Please allow me to welcome you to the West Rutheford Winery, Gastropub and Patisserie. Might I offer you a moist towelette?"

"Um, no. I just need to order a cake for my son's birthday, please."

"But of course! We have many, many cakes to choose from. If I may point out on our Ménu dú Jöur, here you see we have our Incredibly Moist Chocolate Cake Uniquely Finished By Hand With Butter Cream Icing."

"As you can see, it is 'Great For Any Occasion.'"

"Finished by hand? Are you sure feet weren't involved?" [smirking]

[ahem] "Ah, yes, very amusing. Well, Madam, if that is not your particular cup of Earl Gray, might I suggest our Moist Gold Cake Uniquely Hand Finished Tastes Just Like A Real "WATERMELON"?

"Soooo, it tastes like a watermelon?"

"Not at all, Madam. It tastes like a 'WATERMELON.'"

"Ah."

"Ah, but I have saved the best for last! It is the pièce de résistance of our repertoire, the crème de la crème, the horloge de le stylo du la baguette fo di fa fa! Behold!

"A Rich Belgian Chocolate Cup filled with a layer of moist yellow Cake, Fudge, and sweet cream Ice Cream and topped with fluffy white Frosting...

...and a menstrual duo."

"Ew."

"As you might expect, this is available but once a month."

...

"Madam? Wait! Where are you going?!"

Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporters Dawn C. and Aimee W. who are just glad that last one isn't red velvet.

Oh, and since *I* couldn't figure it out, I thought you might want to know that last label should read minstrel - which is apparently a type of cake. Plus, when Aimee pointed it out to the manager she shrugged, said they were all probably like that, and put it back on the shelf. Yay, quality control!

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-17 01:00 pm

Sunday Sweets: Grandma's Kitchen Counter

Posted by Jen

These may not be your grandmother's cakes... but I bet she'd love them.

(By Papillon Cakes, website currently disabled)

Rickrack and strawberries? Yes, please!

 

If we learned anything from Grandma's house, it's that you can never have too many floral patterns.

(By Nevie-Pie Cakes)

Especially when they're hand-painted.

 

No one does "dainty" like our grandmothers did. Mine recently gave me a bunch of her old jewelry, and there are necklace pendants in there smaller than my pinky nail. I'm talking TINY.

Kind of like the little accent flowers on this bottom tier:

(By Cakes by Suzanne)

Can't you just see this on a Formica countertop with little aqua star bursts on it?

 

And doesn't this look like one of those fancy candy dishes from Grandma's formal living room?

(By Sif Jensen)

The green even has a slightly translucent feel to it, like leafy green depression glass. SO PRETTY.

 

Did your grandparents go through a cherub phase? Mine had art, statues, some particularly memorable soap dishes... but sadly, no gorgeous cakes like this:

(By Svetlana Bayankina)

How appropriate the baker chose cherubs; that hand-piping is HEAVENLY.

 

Not all color schemes are timeless, of course - but I gotta say, I never thought a baker could make avocado green and peach look this sweet:

(By Two Cakes but I can't find a site for them)

And more awe-inspiring piping - it's just so delicate!

 

Now throw in a little lace and some more hand-painted roses...

(By Bubolinkata)

YES. Grandma, I take back everything I said about your avocado green fridge. (But I stand fast on my opinion of mustard yellow carpets.)

 

Did/does your grandmother wear pastel skirt suits? You know, those woven ones that were kind of scratchy? And that always had a giant matching brooch on the lapel?

BOOM:

(By Erica O'Brien Cake Design)

Admit it, this would make the most gorgeous skirt suit EVAH.

 

But at the end of the day, I think it's the combination of soft colors and delicate gilded designs that reminds me most of our grandmothers:

(By Sweet Art)

Something here just seems to capture that vintage sense of style and sweetness.

 

And of course it doesn't get more timeless than a couple of Grandma's favorites: creamy lace, ribbon, and roses:

(By Sweet & Simple Cakes)

Mmm. Perfection.

 

Happy Sunday, everyone!

******

P.S. Anyone want to bring vintage style pins back? Because this entire set of 7 lovelies is only $15:

7 Pc Women's Brooch Set

OooOOOooh. I think the owl is my favorite. And the peacock. And the dragonfly.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-15 01:00 pm

It's Not Creepy If You're Married

Posted by Jen

John, sweetie, I just want you to know that I think you are all the way beautiful. Not just handsome, but smart, and kind-hearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you...

...again.

And maybe we'd have a couple of chubby, freckle-faced kids:

And we'd laugh ALL DAY LONG.

...and go camping, play Yahtzee, and tell ghost stories by the fire.

And every day, for the rest of your life, you would thank God... that I was the appropriate maturity level for you.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt.

I think you're very special.

And most of all, I wish you love, and I wish you contentment, and I wish you would put some pants on while I'm talking to you.

That's all.

“Eye”

“Heart”

“Ewe”

Thanks to Kate B., Judi G., Camille B., Aria P., Reba S., Jennifer L., Adrienne, and Jamie B. for helping me get that out there.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-14 01:00 pm

Logo Low-Blows

Posted by Jen

I know it can be scary asking a bakery to do something custom, like, say, a school or brand's logo.
But DON'T PANIC; I'm here to walk you through it.

First, print out a nice, clear image to bring in as a reference:

 

With something as simple as this Chanel logo, you can be sure there is simply NO WAY...

...that the results won't be hysterical.

 

When ordering a Saints logo...

 

...it helps to have the patience of one.

 

Oh, and when you give the baker your reference image, be sure to mention how closely you want your cake to match; some bakers take it more as a "guideline" than an actual rule.

"Why'd you use the S?!"
"Because I don't know what the F is going on!"

 

Still, the most important thing, my friends... is to be glad you aren't ordering a Texas Longhorns cake.

Because seriously, that thing is the Kobayashi Maru of cake orders:

...you can't win.

(But hey, at least this one's got heart!)

 

Thanks to Amy B., Ashley B., Candace F., Amy B., Allison, & Chris L. for getting that last one off his chest.

*****

Because some days call for more than coffee:

"Probably Whiskey" Enamel "Coffee" Mug

(The listing really does have "coffee" in quotation marks, ha!)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-13 01:00 pm

Something's Afoot

Posted by Jen

Sadly, the Sesame Street Paving Company never found the rest of Elmo:

Thanks to Timberly M., who knows the baker was trying for a carrot. I'd say they nailed it.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-12 01:00 pm

Chocolate Day Scat Fest

Posted by Jen

For Chocolate Day we decided to illustrate a beloved children's classic.

highly recommend hitting play and reading along:

(Note: Mild language at the very end. Also, it’s a Morgan Freeman impersonator.) 

Everyone Poops

An elephant makes a big poop.

 

A mouse makes a tiny poop.

 

A one hump camel makes a one hump poop.

A two hump camel makes a two hump poop.

Hahaha, only kidding.

 

Fish poop...

...and so do birds.

And bugs, too.

Different animals make different kinds of poop.

 

Different shapes, different colors, even different smells.

 

Which end is the snake's behind?

What does whale poop look like?

 

Some stop to poop, others do it on the move.

 

Some poop here or there.
Others do it in a special place.

 

Grownups poop. Children poop, too.
While some children poop on the potty, others poop in their diapers.

 

Some animals poop and pay no attention.
Others clean up after themselves.
These poop by the water:

 

This one does it in the water.
He wipes himself with paper then flushes it down.

 

All living things eat, so everyone poops.

 

Thanks to Stephanie M., Beth W., Lisa R., Dede H., Robin, Robin E., Anony M., Anna O., Anthony S., Wendi P., Anita C., Cassandra M., Christie D., & John W. for our crappiest post yet.

(Can you believe none of those were supposed to look like poop? Except maybe the rainbow swirly one - which I'm guessing is unicorn poop, and therefore gets a free pass.)

(SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)

*****

P.S. In case your life was missing a set of cat butt magnets, I found you some:

Cat Butt Magnets

There's also a set for dogs.

You're welcome.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-11 01:00 pm

International Incidents

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

What do you get when you go into a Mexican bakery, where they speak English, and ask them - in Spanish - to write "Happy Birthday" in English?

I mean, besides confused.

You get this:

Which, if I remember my 1st grade Spanish, means "The Happy Complaining Eagles."

Wait.

I took French.

[Googling]

Ah. "Happy Birthday English!" I guess that does make more sense.

 

Or...

What do you get when you go into a Chinese bakery and ask them to write "Congratulations Ian!" in both English and Chinese?

You get some reeeally enthusiastic “Englrsh chunese”, that's what.

 

Hey, I'm actually starting to feel a bit better about U.S. bakeries! Maybe we're not the only wreckerators out there. Maybe there are places even worse off in the wreckage department!

Never mind. Feeling's gone.

 

Thanks to our wrecky ambassadors Chris L., Mary S., and Kendra P. for fostering international unity. In wrecks.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cake Wrecks ([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed) wrote2025-08-10 01:00 pm

Sunday Sweets: Leggo My LEGO

Posted by Jen

For all you parents who think your kids have nothing but LEGO on the brain:

Found here, and made by Sweet on Cake
They do.

 

Or, ok, at least sometimes it seems that way. But really, who can blame them? And who can resist a cake made of LEGO that is actually cake?

By Cakes & Biscuits by Lisa, photo by Cracker's Art [more party pics at the link]

Part of me wants to play with that forklift. The other part wants a fork and a glass of milk.

 

The classic primary color bricks are still the most popular, of course:

By Cakes By Ashley

 

But now there are also pretty pastels out from the new LEGO Friends line:

By Star Bakery

Not to mention those mini-figs sure have come a long way, am I right? I love the little shoes.

 

The most popular LEGO series, though - at least going by the amount of cakes I've seen for it - is Ninjago:

By Cuteology Cakes

These little ninjas are EVERYWHERE. In fact, there's probably one behind you. You just can't see him, because he's a ninja. And also probably really small.

 

Then there are the LEGO video games, which have taught us that every beloved movie character is at least 43% cuter when LEGO-fied:

By Mike's Amazing Cakes

Na na na na na na na nanananaa...BATMAN!

 

By CakeCentral member natskys

You remember Luke, right? He's the guy who flew around in the Millennium Falcon...

Submitted by Mary Anne P., made by Cake Central member hvanaalst

...with that guy who found the Ark of the Covenant:

By Julia's Cakes

"Cakes. Why did it have to be cakes?"

:D

Here's a Sweet for a real LEGO wizard:

By MegMade Cakes

 

LEGO love isn't just for kids, though, and I have the wedding cakes to prove it!

By Mad Eliza's Cakes and Confections

Don't you love the brick borders? Such a fun touch!

 

Or for something a little less subtle and a lot more WOW:

By Couture Cakery

WOW. Look at those details!

Now there's a wedding built on a firm foundation of fun, fondant, and... er... flowers. Love it.

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. Speaking of flowers, have you seen the ones made out of LEGO? 'Cuz they are SO COOL:

LEGO Flower Bouquet Building Kit

Such a sweet gift idea. I like how you have to do a double take to realize what they're made of!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: